Fear of Flying
by Musamea
Summary: Scott's first time... and all the first times after that. Oneshot.


Author: Musamea Title: Fear of Flying  
Rating: General  
Universe: Movieverse, with a smattering of Scott's comicverse history  
Pairing: Scott/Jean, obliquely  
Summary: Scott's first time... and all the first times after that. One-shot.

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I. Orphan

In the years to come, he will remember nothing from this day except the acrid stench of burning fuel and hot metal, his mother's shaking fingers strapping Alex and him into the same parachute, the stomach-lurching shove out of the plane door, a brilliant blue sky overhead, wind whooshing past his ears, futile tugging at the safety cord, his brother's crying, the ground rushing up up up and then--

Nothing

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II. Ward

When the private jet tilts upward and lifts away from the tarmac, he squeezes his eyes shut behind his visor, glad that the ruby quartz hides his fear from the others. He runs a hand over his seatbelt, surreptitiously (he hopes), and asks himself for the thousandth time why he had let Warren talk him into flying to Aspen to join the Worthington's at their ski lodge for the holidays.

_Oh yeah, because Jean and Hank were both coming and you didn't want to be a spoilsport and the Professor thought it was 'an idea of merit' and… is that Jean _laughing_? At _ turbulence_? The girl's out of her mind._

"Scott?"

_Shit, shit, shit._ "Uh, yeah, War?" He sneaks one eye open to look at his friend, who's out of his seatbelt and leaning halfway across the aisle as if there's no reason at all to worry about safety precautions in this fuel-burning, high-flying death trap.

"You want anything to drink? Soda? Chocolate milk? I think we've got just about everything."

Scott manages a weak smile. The very thought makes him want to hurl all over the plush, upholstered seats.

"Nothing for me. Thanks."

---

III. Son

The flight instructor says something about his "awesome shades" and he has to bite back an answer about said shades being the only thing that's keeping them in the sky right now.

Well, the engine's doing its job too… he hopes.

The man finishes running through a review of the material that they've been covering on the ground for the last two sessions, and he turns to Scott and says, "Why don't you give it a shot?"

Scott tries to swallow around the lump in his throat. The lessons had been a Christmas present from the Professor, and he'll be damned if he disappoints Xavier. He suspects that going batshit crazy at an altitude of 6,000 feet constitutes disappointing Xavier.

But then he forces his hands to reach out and take the controls, and suddenly it's just him and a clear, deep sky, and the knowledge that he can do this, the exhilaration of the Cessna responding to _ his _ touch. He thinks that he's never been this free in his life. He wonders if kissing Jean Grey would feel like this.

He wishes 'Ro could be here with him, so that he can learn how to fly through all kinds of weather conditions right now. He wishes the Professor had come, so that his mentor could feel the fear fading from his mind.

He tries to remember what he was so worried about. He comes up with nothing.

---

IV. Cyclops

The first time he sees her, he falls in love.

_ God, what a beauty._

Jean catches a flash of his mind's excitement and laughs. "Do I need to worry about competition from a dark-skinned, inanimate rival who weighs more tons than I can even guess?"

She kisses him on the cheek though, and stands back with the Professor to let Scott take the jet up on her maiden voyage by himself.

The jet (_Blackbird_, he thinks to himself) is flawless, responding to his every touch like an old lover--the perfect extension of his imperfect body. The low thrum of the engine works its way into his head and belly, and he could swear that his heart is beating in time with the lights blinking on the radar. The cockpit is silent except for his breathing and an occasional click from the jet--it's as if she's talking to him. Her panels are spotless, and the new leather on the seats smells like his uniform.

He runs his fingers over the consoles, noting all her military abilities: stealth mode, vertical landings, cloaking devices. She may become one of their most useful allies in the war that the Professor believes is on the horizon.

He knows he should bring her back down, begin to go over manuals with Hank and strategies with Xavier, but sudden impulse makes him turn her away from the mansion and up into the sky until he breaks through the clouds.

Right now, his heart feels like it weighs nothing at all.


End file.
